


Regression

by SisterWicked



Series: Regression [1]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-04
Updated: 2014-12-04
Packaged: 2018-02-28 02:41:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2715908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SisterWicked/pseuds/SisterWicked
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How do you forget the most important time of your life? Visit my archive for fic, media and more. http://asshat.0fees.net</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Regression  
A DGM Lucky Fic  
By SisterWicked

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Sometimes, Lavi wondered if being a Bookman were really worth the trouble it caused.

_This_ was one of those times.

Looking across the dark material of a suitclad arm currently pressed firmly against his throat, he almost, _almost_ wished he'd never heard of Bookmen, or the Black Order, Exorcists or Akuma..

Or Noah.

He had no illusions about the outcome of this meeting, even with his Innocence still clenched in one hand, bathing the alley with it's supposedly holy light. He knew all too well what happened to the Exorcists who crossed paths with this particular member of the Noah clan, both from experience and recounted tales spun by horrified Finders unlucky enough to 'find' the victims afterward.

Swallowing, he met the other's bright golden eyes squarely, determined to die with at least some sense of dignity.

The man's low chuckle was surprising for all the malice it lacked, but the quick removal of his forearm doubled the redhead's confusion. The number multiplied to the one-hundredth power when the Noah leaned forward sharply, half-parted lips meeting his own as he urged the Exorcist's back away from the stone wall behind him.

Too stunned to resist, he felt his hammer slide through his suddenly numb fingers, the short _clack_ of it's landing on the cobblestones bringing him out of his shortlived stupor. Making a sound that was half anger and half disgust, he shoved the brunette away, wiping his mouth fiercely on his sleeve. "What the fuck are you doing? _Christ!_ "

Turning his head to spit, he glared at the man balefully, retrieving his shrunken Innocence and setting it alight. "You really are something, huh? A murderer, a lunatic _and_ a rapist? How do you fit all that in and still manage to fool people into thinking you're human?" Snorting at the other's wide eyes, he shook his head. "What, you can't fight without completely violating your opponent? Great. Stand right there and I'll be happy to just-"

The Noah blinked in genuine surprise, his skin fading to a clear olive as he stepped forward. "Wait! What's the matter with _you?_ I thought you wanted-" He drew up short as the redhead levelled his hammer threateningly. "You lied, then. I should have known better." Laughing humorlessly, he nodded. "You didn't have to do that, you know.. If you'd simply told me it was finished, I would have let it go at that."

Scowling at the older man, Lavi pushed his back to the wall. "I don't know what you're talking about, but it sounds like bullshit to me. I thought mindgames were your little sister's department, Noah." Taking a breath to continue, he raised an eyebrow at the other's quick flinch. "Go on, tell your story then. I'd love to hear exactly what you've come up with that involves you kissing me before you start rearranging my organs."

The brunette shook his head slowly, stepping backward. "You really don't remember, do you." He eyed the boy's still-wary pose, sighing. "Is this what you meant, when you said the old man was going to change you..? None of what happened means anything because you're a different person."

Lavi blinked in surprise, his grip on the hammer faltering. "How d'you know about that? What the hell am I supposed to be remembering?" He kept his back firmly to the wall, wondering what the man could possibly be planning. "I don't know you. I damn sure haven't told people about being someone else, and Gramps and I are the only ones who could have-" He broke off with a growl of frustration. "He's on a mission. Did that bitch get him? You know because she could see it in his head."

Tyki shook his head again at the boy's furious accusation. "No! You told me yourself, just before the last time." He stepped further away, halting when his back met stone. "I don't know how to explain this to you, but there was something between us. You can choose to believe me or not, but this is definitely not the place for such a discussion.."

The Exorcist laughed harshly, lowering his weapon. "You really thought this out, didn't you? Well, where would you suggest for a chat? I doubt your master would want us cozying it up in the den over tea."

The older man frowned, nodding. "Hardly. There is a place, but I'd have to touch you to take you to it." Seeing the redhead's sceptical look, he sighed. "I can't make you trust my intentions anymore than I can make you believe what I have to say, Lavi. If you really want to know, you'll have to rely on your Order's 'faith'."

Taking in the brunette's slightly pained face, Lavi mentally chided himself for his curiousity. "If you know as much as you say, you should know I'm not all that into the religious side of this." Bracing himself, he dispelled his Innocence. "Don't try anything, Noah. I might die, but I won't make it any easier for you than this." He stretched out a hand, waiting for the man to take action.

After a moment of surprise, the brunette smiled faintly, reaching forward to meet him. "You still take foolish risks, even after this change of yours.. Somehow, I wonder how different you really are, Lavi." Brushing against the boy's fingertips, he allowed their hands to intertwine loosely, moving close enough to be sure of the other's safety. "You might want to close your eyes, this always made you dizzy before."

The redhead's eye narrowed challengingly, his grip tightening. "I can handle anything you do. Let's go, before I start thinking about how stupid this is."

Tyki nodded, holding the boy's stare as he drew on his power, shifting them abruptly away from the alley. Feeling him stagger, he caught his waist, holding him steady until he jerked away. "You see? I tried to warn you.. But besides that, take a seat. This isn't a short story."

Looking around, Lavi squinted at the low lighting, his eye adjusting quickly to the near-darkness. "Where is this?"

The brunette shrugged, sitting at one end of a fairly threadbare couch. "My home away from home, if you will. This is where my human counterpart lives. You've been here before, several times." Gesturing to the opposite side, he waited for the Exorcist to join him, humming at his obvious reluctance. "I won't touch you, Lavi. I'd offer you something else, but I never really saw a need for more than basic furnishings."

The boy scowled nervously, sitting as far from the other as possible given the size of the couch. "Or the need for vision, apparently." He muttered, setting his shrunken hammer down in his lap. "I can hear in the dark though, so get on with it. Tell me what we're supposed to be to each other."

Tyki forced himself to relax despite the redhead's mistrustful tone. "We were lovers." He stated simply, wincing at the boy's angry growl. "And I had thought we were something quite beyond just that. You told me that the old man would change you when you left the mansion, but you promised to come back. You asked me to wait, and I have."

The Exorcist's face rivaled his hair as he shook his head rapidly, his hands closing into fists. "That's a fucking lie! We were never anywhere near you, and even if we were, I sure as hell wouldn't have given you the time of day! How could you expect me to believe that I'd actually have stooped that low, to let you-"

Tyki leaned forward swiftly, ignoring his enraged noise as he seized the lapels of his open jacket. " _Stooped_ , Lavi? Knelt would be closer. Right about where your feet are now, and you told me that it took days for the burns on your knees to heal. As for the time of day, I can remember you telling me several times that it was time to stop talking and start undressing."

Hauling him roughly across the worn material, he pointed to a single scorched mark on the armrest, his voice harsh in the Exorcist's ear. "And there? That's where I dropped a cigarette because you were in too much of a hurry to let me put it out before you started licking me. In all fairness, I couldn't have cared less at the moment either.. You told me that you wanted as much of me as you could get, until you found a way to come back for more."

Releasing his grip, he forced down his anger with effort. "I knew where you were going, and I still.. How could it just be gone, Lavi? Days, weeks, months.. There isn't a single part of you that I don't know! And you should be the same, it isn't something one forgets!" He allowed the Exorcist to retreat, shaking his head. "I would have let you go, if it had been physical. There never would have been anything more than that, if you hadn't asked for it directly."

He laughed at himself bleakly, gesturing at the redhead's speechless rage. "You were just as angry when I asked if you really meant what you said, Lavi. The thought that I wouldn't believe you was completely outside of your ability to reason." Regarding the other squarely, he hummed curiously. "Go on, tell me that I'm a liar again. Nothing you say will make it any less real.. You even told me that my heart would be safe with you, because you already knew how to hide your own."

Visibly collecting himself, the Exorcist took a breath. "No part of me you don't know, huh? Then tell me something. How'd I lose this?" He pointed a finger at his eyepatch, smirking at the man's surprised expression. "There's no way you wouldn't know, if we-"

"You didn't."

The brunette's soft response halted his triumphant rant like a brick wall, leaving him stunned as he leaned backward sharply. " _What?_ "

"It's only for show. You never needed it." Tyki slid closer, taking advantage of the boy's shock to lift a hand to the strap that held the thin cloth in place. Slipping the tip of his finger beneath it, he tugged it upward slowly, watching the newly-revealed pupil contract and then expand in the half-light of the room. "You said the old man would be angrier at that than anything.. No one was supposed to know, and you were never supposed to take this off."

Stroking his thumb along the redhead's cheekbone, he smiled. "You showed me, though. Why would you do that, if we were enemies?" Seeing the Exorcist's eyes widen, he shook his head. "You wouldn't have. And there's no other way I could have known." He made to pull his hand back, but the boy latched onto his wrist almost painfully to stop the movement.

"How long..? How long were we- How long have you been..?" He struggled to form coherant questions, overwhelmed at the impossibility of the man's claim. "Why were you waiting, dammit? If you knew where I was going, why did you even bother? I don't remember anything about you, not a single-"

_"Eu te amo, Lavi."_

The fact that he shouldn't have been able to understand the obviously foreign statement was overlooked in light of the actual _meaning_ of the words, and he shook his head rapidly in denial. "Don't say that! You don't even know how!" Realizing that he still had hold of the brunette's arm, he snatched his hand away as if the contact had burned his fingers, still refusing to believe that there could be any truth in the older man's story. "You wouldn't have just let me leave, if you meant that! I wouldn't have forgotten it, either!"

Tyki waited patiently for him to finish, his gaze steady. "You told me that you had to go. The only way I could have stopped you was by force." He bent close, following the Exorcist as he leaned back in response. "Would you rather I'd done that? I didn't do it because it would have been too much like _owning_ you.. And I don't think you've forgotten completely, there had to be some part left behind for you to allow even this much."

Ignoring the boy's panicked gasp, he planted one hand beside him on the armrest, effectively hedging him in. "There's nothing familiar to you, nothing at all?" He narrowed his eyes at the other's almost frightened expression, shaking his head. "You never forget what you learn, Lavi. You told me so yourself, once you've seen or heard or felt something, it stays with you forever.. Why would it only be this? How could you not remember-" He growled in frustration, bending to catch the Exorcist's mouth with his own.

Feeling him stiffen, he kept the touch light, using only enough pressure to emphasize the gentle brush and cling of lips as he sighed. Undeterred by the lack of response, he buried his free hand in the boy's thick hair, cradling his head as he licked carefully along the curve of his lower lip. The act drew a choked sound from the redhead, his fingers curling reflexively into the material of the older man's shirt.

The Noah lifted his head slightly, watching the Exorcist's face for any sign of recognition. "That's completely strange to you, Lavi..? Everything started from there, it was the first thing you gave me on your own.." Seeing the boy's mouth move, he bent his head until the sound of breath became words.

"Just from that..?"

He nodded slowly, taking note of the anxious shivers that wracked the other's body. "Only that. Over and over, even when we did nothing else.. I never tired of it, Lavi. For some reason, just kissing you was enough sometimes."

The redhead was silent for a long moment, his hands loosening fractionally as he took a breath. "..then.. could you.. Just one more..?"

The older man inhaled sharply, his own grip tightening in response to the soft question. "That's what you always said.. Because you knew I would never refuse you." He pulled away from the Exorcist's ear to comply, absurdly delighted when the boy tipped his head to meet him halfway with a shaky whimper.

He meant for this kiss to be equally soft and careful, but the Exorcist's response was a factor that he hadn't included in his ideal. Though he was obviously still hesitant, there was no unwillingness in the act, and the almost shy parting of his lips drove a quick bolt of longing through the older man. Remembering those long-ago first kisses, he forced down a surge of bitterness, lifting his head with a sigh.

"Enough," He murmured, closing his eyes. "There's no meaning in it, now." Pushing himself upright, he avoided the redhead's curious stare. "You've never missed it, have you? I was so sure that you really did-" He laughed softly, the sound making the younger boy flinch. "I should tear you to pieces, Exorcist.. You're no longer the person I swore to protect."

Hearing the boy's short breath, he shook his head. "But I won't. I _can't_. You needn't fear for your safety, Lavi.. Enemy or no, I still love the person you were with me."

Wary of the man's deteriorating mood, Lavi swallowed. "You didn't answer me, before." He took a breath, preparing to be told to mind his own business. "How long were we.. Together?"

Tiki smiled faintly, the expression strained. "Just shy of a year." He dug briefly through his pockets, pulling out a slightly crooked cigarette. Lighting it with a deftly produced match, he inhaled deeply, rubbing absently at the bridge of his nose. "Less time than we've been apart.. I really don't know what I was expecting, after so long."

The boy blinked in surprise, straightening. "I've been with the Order for over two years, Tyki. Why did you wait until now? I've seen you before, and you never said a thing.."

Still absorbed in his false calm, Tyki shrugged. "Wouldn't it have been dangerous? You had already risked everything once, and that was when we were much closer in habitation, if nothing else. How would you have managed the same feat from within the Order? I couldn't have approached you until you were by yourself." He retrieved an ashtray from the table beside him, flicking his ashes carelessly. "I should have been able to see that you didn't recognize me, but I suppose I simply didn't wish to."

Lavi made to question him further, but the brunette cut him off with a short wave. "This has no bearing on history, Lavi. There's no need to drag the whole pitiable tale to light, is there? Your curiosity is understandable, but it's more than empty facts for me."

Refusing to be deterred, the Exorcist clenched his hands. "Then why did you bring me here at all? If I told you I'd be changed, I would have told you that it's a complete change! I stop being someone when it happens, I might not have even had the same personality! The person I was must have been a selfish bastard to tell you to wait-"

The older man rounded on him fiercely, his eyes narrowed in anger. " _I_ wouldn't have changed! You don't simply stop loving someone, Lavi!" Stubbing out his cigarette, he leaned forward with a growl. "I would have gone with you, even if it had meant my destruction! For all I know, you told me that to stop me from following you!" He took a breath to calm himself, shaking his head. "You could have done this to yourself, to keep us both safe. Like I said, you told me that you never forget something that's happened.. How else could your memories of me simply cease to be? You made yourself forget."

Lavi shook his head, suddenly angry. "I don't know of any way to do that! I've seen things as this person that I'd forget if I could, there's just no way to do it! I couldn't just make myself forget something, and then forget that I knew how!" He met the man's dark gaze squarely, ignoring the potential for danger. "I'm not a Bookman yet, it'll be _years_ before I know how to do things like-" He faltered, his eyes wide. "I'd have to learn something like that from a full Bookman.. And he hasn't taught me that yet."

He swallowed thickly, shaking his head. "He wouldn't have done that to me. He would have found a new apprentice and left me behind, he wouldn't have taken something like that away from me."

Confused, Tyki moved closer, watching the boy with growing unease. "Lavi? What do you mean?" Frowning at the redhead's mounting panic, he reached for his shoulder, shaking him gently. "Lavi, answer me. What does the old man have to do with this?"

Raising his head, the Exorcist cleared his throat. "I don't remember my family." He muttered, breathing quickly. "He took me in because he was the one that found me.. Something awful happened to them, and I was there-" He shuddered faintly, closing his eyes. "He made it go away. Whatever I saw messed me up, made me crazy or something. He got rid of that, and then he started training me as his successor. He could have.. But he wouldn't! He only did that to make me better!"

Blinking rapidly, he shook his head. "He wouldn't have taken away a whole year. If I really.. He wouldn't have made me forget you." Listening to his own frightened voice, he wondered exactly who he was tring to convince, himself or the surprised Noah. The idea that his mentor could have coldly and completely erased something as vital as what the brunette claimed to be real was staggering. "It's not perfect, either. Sometimes I get a feeling from a place or a person, like it's familiar. He said it's because there's something too similar to what he made me forget, and it just feels like deja'vu. There's nothing like that now, I don't feel-"

The older man tightened his grip, stilling the boy's rant with a firm squeeze. "Have you _tried?_ You've been denying the possibility from the start, couldn't you make an honest attempt?" The intensity of his words startled the Exorcist, his voice bordering on what might have been desperation.

"I wouldn't even know where to start, Tyki! I've been listening, but I don't sense anything from it, it's only words to..!"

The brunette jerked him forward, wrapping him in a crushing embrace. Burying his face against the boy's hair, he closed his eyes. "I could tell you anything you wanted to know, if it would make you remember.. This house, it was the place we went, that very first time.. We were at it for _hours_ , Lavi." He shuddered at the memory, his arms loosening slightly. "I never took so much time with a person before that, I just couldn't stand the thought that I might hurt you.. You practically had to **demand** that I take you."

Lavi flushed hotly, the utter sincerity in the other's voice striking him like a blow. Recalling the cautious press of the man's body from before, he realised with a start that this seemingly vicious person _could_ be gentle, when it suited him. "Was.. Was it during the day..?" He swallowed nervously, mildly alarmed at the strength of his hold. "Or did we stay the night..?"

Tyki nodded faintly, his grip more cradling than restrictive. "It was night time, near the end of summer." He hummed curiously, shifting his head to rest atop the boy's shoulder. "I never thought to ask, but does your birthday change when you do..? If not, you'll be having one soon, your 19th.." He laughed quietly, the sound infinitely more expressive than before. "There's something to be said for youth, but perhaps it was too soon for what we did.. At my age, I should have known better."

The Exorcist shook his head, relaxing at the other's improved disposition. "You aren't _that_ much older than me.. And it's always the same day. You're right about the year though. Was it my birthday?"

Tyki sighed, releasing the boy entirely. "No, it was after that. I don't really know why I allowed it to happen at all, you were barely sixteen.." He leaned back, his eyes roaming over the redhead's familiar features. "I wouldn't have changed it, though. Even if I'd known this was coming, I still would have let myself fall."

Moving away, he smiled at the redhead's obvious surprise. "It was worth it, Lavi. I don't think I've ever been quite that happy to just _be_ with someone." Rising to his feet, he turned toward the far wall, gesturing at the few pictures scattered over it. "Anything like this can be forged, but.." He walked to a place near the center, carefully unhooking one of the frames. Returning to the seated redhead, he turned the picture to face him. "This is the only one I have, but you can't deny that it's you."

Lavi took the frame gingerly, blinking at the unmistakeable image of himself. The clothes he wore were casual, a simple pullover shirt with dark pants, and as always he wore the useless eyepatch over one side of his face, but what caught his attention was the expression on this boy's face. He was smiling brightly at whoever had taken the picture, his visible eye alight with a mischievous glint that belied the severity of his assumed pose.

Glancing back at the bare patch of wall, he inhaled shakily at the difference in coloration, something that suggested the picture had been there for some time. Noting the odd positioning, he cleared his throat. "It's off-center."

The older man smiled, reaching to take the frame. "Indeed. I put it there because I wanted to be able to see it-"

"From anywhere in the room." Lavi whispered, his hands closing so tightly that the glass and wooden pictureframe creaked ominously. "You wanted to be able to look at it when you came home, and when you were anywhere here, all you needed to do was turn your head.." He closed his eyes, pushing down a sharp lurch of disorientation. "You took this." It wasn't a question, but the older man hummed an affirmative.

"Not too long before you left. There was one of me, but that's most likely long gone by now." He carefully removed the picture from the boy's shaking hands, setting it on the sidetable. "Are you all right, Lavi..? You're very pale.."

The Exorcist nodded, shook his head, then nodded again. "I don't know." He said, finally. "If this is a trick, it's the best one I've ever seen, but if it's not.." He shuddered, his arms wrapping around himself defensively. "I don't want it to be true. I don't want to think that I had something like that, and then had it just be taken away." He stared up at the brunette pleadingly, his voice almost too soft to be understood. "Tell me the truth. Even if you're a Noah, some things are just too cruel to do.. Tell me if this is real or not, Tyki."

The older man sank down to sit beside him, his face serious. "If I could give you my own memories, I would, Lavi. I'm sorry that I brought you here, now.. All I've done was cause you pain." He lifted a hand to the boy's face, his palm warm against the shock-cool skin of the other's cheek. "Forgive me, for not knowing when to let go?"

Lavi turned his face into the touch, his eyes closed tight. "I'll fix it." He said, his hands clenching atop his lap. "I'll _make_ him give me back what he stole from me. Every second of it." Taking a rough breath, he met the older man's eyes. "I'll keep that promise, Tyki. If you can wait just a little longer, I'll find my way back." With that said, he leaned forward, pausing only centimeters from the brunette's surprised face. "Will you wait, Tyki? It won't be nearly so long this time.."

The Noah nodded faintly, his hand moving to cup the back of the redhead's neck. "As long as it takes, Lavi. Forever, if I have to." He moved closer purposefully, allowing the boy ample time to pull away if he so wished.

His caution was completely unwarranted, the Exorcist's eyes closing as he accepted the man's gentle kiss. Feeling the slow stroke of the other's tongue on his lip, he shivered, his mouth opening to grant him access.

Tyki growled softly, his free hand wrapping around the boy's waist to move him closer. Relishing the velvety wetness of his tongue, he urged him to respond with a questioning hum, the sound dropping into a moan when the redhead pressed a hand to his thigh for support.

Pulling back, he laughed breathlessly. "My apologies, Lavi.. I let myself get carried away." Realizing that the Exorcist was leaning at an extremely awkward angle, he laughed again, pressing carefully against his chest. " _Very_ carried away."

Lavi resisted the movement, shaking his head. "Don't apologize, I _wanted_ you to let go.. I still want you to." Biting his lip, he swallowed. "You said that it was enough, sometimes.. Was it, really..?" He sighed at the man's slow nod, his hand moving higher as he shifted his weight. "Show me? I'd like see what was so good about it.."

For a moment he thought the brunette would refuse, his eyes wide as he searched the Exorcist's flushed face for something known only to him. Then, the hand against the boy's chest moved back to his waist, it's mate pushing firmly against the small of his back as the Noah pulled him forward to half-sprawl across his lap.

"The best part was having you so close, Lavi.. That's something else that hasn't changed." He pressed their mouths together firmly, sucking at the boy's lower lip as he drew him up to straddle his legs. Hissing at his soft whine, he curled his fingers around the Exorcist's hip, his teeth closing gently on the swollen skin of his mouth. "You taste the same," He whispered, his opposite hand sliding up to rest between his shoulderblades. "Just as sweet as I remember.."

Lavi gasped in surprise at the instant leap of his pulse, the quick beat leaving him faintly dizzy. "I.. Thank you?" He flushed at the pitch of his voice, shaking his head. "Did we do this a lot? It.. I shouldn't know _how_ , I haven't.." Biting his lip in embarassment, he laughed. "I don't really have time to run around kissing people, you know? I didn't do it when I was younger, either.." He tapered off, his breath catching at the older man's intent gaze.

"There's been no one else, Lavi? You could tell me, I wouldn't be angry under these circumstances.." His hands tightened at the boy's silent negative, his voice rough as he chuckled quietly. "If not that, then certainly nothing beyond it, yes? Even now, you're still _mine_." He didn't wait for a response, pulling the Exorcist down for another kiss. This one was nothing like it's predecessors, the hard press of his mouth hungry in a way that made the younger boy shudder in mixed anxiety and arousal.

Lifting his hands to the man's chest, he clutched shakily at the material of his shirt, whimpering at the insistant movements of his lips and tongue. His lingering fear dissolved at the Noah's broken moan, his fingers relaxing to splay over the soft cotton in a hesitant caress. Feeling the brunette shift into the touch, he stroked upward, his fingers curling loosely around the back of his neck in soundless encouragement.

The effect on the other was startling, his back moving away from the couch as he pulled the Exorcist flush against him with a low growl. Lifting his head, he took a quick breath, then buried his face into the junction of the boy's throat and jaw. Speaking between careful nips and kisses against the skin, he traced idle designs on the redhead's back, his words sending a rush of heat up the Exorcist's spine.

"We'll have to be careful, Lavi.. You don't remember where the limit is, when it stops being enough." He sucked at a place just below the redhead's ear, licking over the faint mark. "It's almost past that now.."

Lavi slipped his arms behind the man's shoulders, clinging to him desperately as he panted for breath. "That's all right.. Don't stop if you need-"

The brunette jerked back quickly, his eyes wide. "What? No!" He shook his head rapidly, ignoring the giddy surge of lust at the boy's offer. "Not yet, not until you've regained your memories.. It wasn't _this_ that I waited for." Seeing the Exorcist's surprise, he smiled. "It isn't your body that I need, Lavi.. Once you remember, you'll understand." Pressing a kiss to the redhead's cheek, he hummed quietly. "I promise to make up for it then.. This is the first and only 'no' you'll ever hear from me."

Nodding faintly, Lavi relaxed his hold. "I'm sorry, I just thought you might.. It's been a long time, so.." He blinked, stiffening. "It _has_ , hasn't it? You haven't.. Have you?" His tone was almost fearful, and the older man's chest tightened at the half-terrified look on his face.

" _Never._ Not since, and not now, Lavi." He shook his head firmly, arms wrapping around the boy's waist. "I've never believed in substitution, and anyone I touched would have had to compete with you." Urging the Exorcist to lean into him, he stroked his hair soothingly. "I have to take you back.. If you're gone too long, they'll think you've deserted or some such."

The redhead's laugh was muffled, his arms flexing briefly. "Haven't I though? I won't be able to stay, I'll be lucky if someone doesn't try to kill me before I can leave." Sitting up, he smiled darkly. "I don't really want to fight a friend, but I'm not going to let that stop me if I have to. Will I be able to find you again, Tyki..? I don't know how long it'll take me to get back, but I'm going to need a place to stay until I find somewhere for myself."

The man frowned thoughtfully, shaking his head. "You'll stay here, obviously. Do you really think I'd let you out of my sight after this?" Under his light tone, there was a completely serious question, one that made the Exorcist's breath catch sharply.

"I'll stay here if you want me to, Tyki.. I just didn't want to assume." He smiled crookedly, his hands moving to the other's shoulders as he prepared to rise. "I've got to take care of this first, though. Is there somewhere I could look for you? I'll have to make sure no one follows me, so I might have to take a little side trip first, just in case.."

The brunette nodded, allowing him to stand. "You'd be leaving from England, yes? I doubt they'd send you off with good graces, so close distance would be best.." Rising to his feet, he sighed. "The Guardsman's Watch. It's a tavern in west London, I've stayed there before on.. business. Come there, and ask for Theydon Hart." Seeing the boy's questioning look, he smiled. "That was the name of the man I was after. A contractor who thought he could outrun the Earl."

Retrieving the Exorcist's eyepatch from the far end of the couch, he handed it to him, waiting patiently while he slipped it into place. "You needn't worry about being trailed, Lavi. We would meet and be gone before they had time to do more than blink." Indicating the redhead's almost forgotten Innocence, he allowed him to retrieve that for himself, stepping forward to embrace the boy with a soft laugh. "I'll wait for you, but I'd rather it was as soon as humanly possible.. It's in my nature to be impatient."

Lavi returned his tight hold eagerly, nodding against the front of his shirt. "As long as it's safe, Tyki. I won't go directly to you if there's a screaming horde behind me, but I won't take any longer than I absolutely have to.. Just wait. I promised, and no matter who I am, I don't lie when it matters." Leaning back reluctantly, he forced himself to smile up at the older man. "Do I get a goodbye kiss, Tyki..? You could consider it incentive, if-"

He got no further, the Noah's mouth stilling the words with a kiss too rough to be anything but frightened. Pressing as close as their differing heights allowed, Lavi returned the touch with equal fervor, his hands fisted tightly against the man's back. Pulling away with a gasp, he inclined his head, drawing the other's face down to his throat.

"Leave a mark," He panted, fingers winding into the brunette's hair. "Something I can see, so I won't.. Please, Tyki. I need something _real_.." He cried out at the sharp sting of the other's teeth, his hands tightening in encouragement as the man sucked hard at the smarting skin. Allowing him to pull away, he shivered at the feeling of cool air on the sensitive flesh, his smile less dishonest than before. "Thank you.. Let's go before I try to convince you to do that somewhere else."

The older man laughed, shaking his head. "And you say your personality may have changed.. But yes. The sooner you leave, the sooner you'll return." Closing his eyes, he willed them back into the alley, holding the redhead steady when he lurched. "I wish I could make that easier for you, Lavi. Perhaps we could work on that after you return."

The Exorcist nodded, stepping backward. "Anything you want, Tyki. I'm going to the train station now, if I'm lucky they'll let me change my ticket to something a little sooner." Biting his lip, he half extended his hand toward the other, letting it fall with a sigh. "I'll never get anywhere like this.. Goodbye, Tyki." Turning around, he forced himself to walk away, clenching his hands as he reached the street. Glancing back, he smiled faintly at the man's silent presence, closing his eye tightly when he vanished.

Steeling his resolve, he strode out onto the sidewalk, his pace quickening as he spotted the station building in the distance. _'Soon,'_ He thought, _'I'll be back soon, it's only a day's travel.. And I'll never have to leave again. No more hurting and fighting.. There's nothing but happiness after this.'_

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And then, attracted by his flaming yaoi thoughts, lightning struck, frying his bunny ass. Ha, just kidding.. But I wonder, should I even bother finishing this? It'd be 1-2 more chapters at most.. Tell me what you think, and DO NOT fave/alert list me without commenting, I'll send you a rude PM if you do. Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Regression  
A DGM Lucky Fic  
By SisterWicked  
Chapter 2  
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Well, this is awkward.. I really, _really_ wanted to have this done in time, but it looks like I'm a tad bit late.  
Besides my slowness and failness, happy belated birthday, Booky. Enjoy the badness :P

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Lavi had always hated trying to sleep on trains.

The constant motion and clamor was too disturbing, especially after spending so many years rooming in with his teacher, who was surely the quietest person he'd ever known. Shifting in mild discomfort, he sighed at the low murmur of the passengers in the next car, the woman's voice scandalized and giggly as her male companion urged her to join him in something obviously more entertaining than a card game to pass the time.

The reminder of his own diversion left him momentarily red-faced, the seatspring digging into his back forgotten at the thought of what was to come. Though he knew the old man firmly believed that a Bookman had no need for affection, he'd always entertained the notion that the man was somehow less than totally unaffected by their long association, perhaps even fond of his young charge, but after the shocking claim leveled by his supposed enemy, he wondered if that were even remotely possible.

_'If he gave a damn about me, how could he just take something like that and hide it from me? Erasing the memories that hurt me is one thing, but removing a **happy** memory..? He'd have to have taken the entire year, the mission, everything.. All that work, why would he have just let it go to waste..?'_

Annoyed at the roundabout circling of his thoughts, he frowned. Bookman never did anything without a reason, so there _had_ to be some excuse for so drastic a course of action. Closing his eye, he lifted a hand to the ever-present eyepatch, fingering the strap idly as he strove to find a comfortable position on the narrow seat. There was a slim chance that the Noah had been lying, that he'd gained access to certain bits of the older Bookman's mind, but that couldn't explain his own reaction to the man's story.

Biting his lip, he remembered how simple it had been to imagine the older man _knowing_ him, sharing his secrets and even-

He shook his head at the rush of heat in his cheeks, his fingers pausing at the seam of his eye covering as he shivered. No, the Bookman's knowledge couldn't have made him react as he had, any more than it could have made the brunette's soft kisses strike so deep a chord in him. He'd learned early to force down every sign of his emerging self-awareness, from the giddy thrill at his progressing maturity to the furtive hints of appreciation for the physical charms of others, even the startling knowledge that male forms could be as attractive as female ones.

Tyki had brought those hidden things to light with no more than a saddened look and the gentlest of urgings, something that should have been near-impossible without _some_ degree of leverage.. But why would he have gone to the trouble of creating such a story, with details that could have gone untended and ignored? The redhead massaged his temples tiredly, taking a look at the facts in as much a whole as he could.

The man knew things that could easily have been taken by force from someone who knew the boy well.

He also knew things that _no one_ else could have told him.

The picture, while admittedly flimsy as proof of deep attachment, could have been faked.

The almost-memory of why it hung where it did could not.

He had no memory of the older man's touch, or the sensation of his kisses, but...

They'd been inexplicably welcome, astonishingly enough considering just who it was doing the touching, and though he should have been frightened and enraged at the man's boldness, there had been only a moment of hesitation on his part.

This was getting him nowhere.

Laughing at his frustration, he turned onto his stomach, wincing at the press of the thinly-covered springs against his skin. Pillowing his head atop one arm, he sighed. Did he _really_ want to give away his future as a Bookman to keep the promise supposedly made by another person?

A fleeting image of the Noah's hopeless expression made him flinch, leaving him with little doubt that no matter how foolish a thing it was, he intended to see it through to the end. If the elder Bookman _had_ sealed away his memories of the man, he meant to have every instant of them back, to sort through the tangled half-familiar and alien bits until something logical emerged. If the picture was clearly lain out to give proof to the other's story, the choice would make itself.

He couldn't remember wanting such a thing before, no matter how hard he tried, but the idea was considerably more appealing than what he now had, a life of gathering information and recording it for people who wouldn't even know his _name_..

His name.

The thought brought him half-upright with a muffled curse, his hands drawn into shaking fists.

Tyki had called him by the name he now used, not the one he remembered as being his before joining the order.

Bookman would have begun preparing him for his new persona as soon as the old one was to be done away with, and no one but he and his apprentice could have known what and who he would be afterwards.

When had he become _Lavi?_

Stiffening faintly, he realized that he couldn't recall. Throwing himself into the techniques learned over a decade of serious training, he was stunned when the attempt brought only a hazy memory of a boatride through a darkened tunnel, and his teacher resorting to an off-cast name to catch his attention.

If they'd made preparations to enter the Black Order, been tested to prove they could conform to Innocence.. He would have _known_ who 'Lavi' was. He would have taken **days** to memorize every aspect of who the name belonged to, from his hobbies to his affectations. No part of the persona's life would have been overlooked.

_He hadn't known himself._

_Tyki had told the truth._

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He spent the rest of the trip mulling over his belated discovery, half curious and half enraged. The time he'd lost was a source of endless hows and whys, but the thought that Bookman had made such a glaring mistake..

Whatever the reason, the fact that his teacher was not infallible left him with a disturbing question. If he'd acted in haste once, how many other times had he been wrong? Had the things he'd taught his apprentice likewise been compromised by the older man's _own_ personality?

Lavi forced himself to be objective in his judgements, but did the much older and more experienced man have his own moments of doubt? He showed no outward signs of such a thing, but after taking the current situation into account.. The Exorcist sighed at the now doubled burden of his thoughts, very nearly missing the conductor's faint knock to announce their impending arrival at his stop. Thanking the man distractedly, he gathered his few belongings, making his way toward the front of the car.

Standing on the station platform, he waited impatiently as his Finder asked the ticket clerk to summon a carriage. The man was nice enough, but he had the unfortunate affliction of feeling the need to fill every moment of silence with talk, usually about something offensive. At the moment, he seemed to have found a kindred spirit in the bored desk worker, the sound of their laughter grating on the Exorcist's nerves as a few stray words caught his attention.

"..must be fucking queers. I mean, who else would hole themselves up in a place like that, knowing there aren't any good-looking women there at all? I go out every chance I get, but they don't.. Like this one, he doesn't do anything but read and flirt with everything that walks, it's obviously a cover."

Lavi braced himself, anticipating the rush of his temper at the man's crass statement, but instead there was only a moment of irritation at his gossip. Lifting a hand to the still-tender mark at his throat, he snorted.

"If you're done fantasizing about my sex life, could we go? I think the guys are planning an underwear party tonight."

The two stared at him in disbelieving shock, the Finder turning an unattractive shade of puce before replying. "The carriage isn't due for another half hour, Exorcist-san."

The redhead gestured at the thinning fog absently. "It would take that and fifteen minutes to _walk_ to Headquarters.. How about you just stay here with your buddy and I'll catch you later? Don't worry, I'll turn in the report myself, and I'll be sure to tell Komui that you think his sister's a hag while I'm at it."

Smirking at his horrified expression, the Exorcist lifted his suitcase, making his way to the platform edge with a slightly more relaxed outlook on his arrival. Perhaps he could hold his temper with the old man, if he hadn't killed his overly mouth Finder. Descending the steps, he followed the walkway to the street, heading in the direction of the Order's London Branch.

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Though he knew there would be questions concerning his early return to Headquarters, he hadn't expected someone to be waiting for him at the door, the Gatekeeper's visible unease revealing the person to be none other than Allen Walker.

Wincing slightly, the redhead slowed his approach, hoping to give the impression of weariness. Smiling at the younger boy's enthusiastic wave, he wondered how pleased the other Exorcist would be once the truth came to light. After all, the man he.. Loved..? Had torn the Innocence from Allen's body in the not-too-distant past, leaving him for dead with a seeping hole chewed through his very heart.

"Been waiting long?" He hoped his voice sounded as tired as he wished it to, but the other's smile never faltered as he shook his head.

"Not really, maybe a half hour." Reaching for the redhead's travel case, the British boy tipped his head toward the waiting Gatekeeper. "It makes him nervous, I think.. But I'm not going to laugh until he lets me back in."

Stifling a snicker at the other's momentary lapse into sadism, Lavi smiled up at the stone guardian. "Open says me? I'd like to get in before the Apocalypse, if you could.." The door opened smoothly on it's well-worn hinges, allowing the two to enter before it swung shut with a resounding _bang_ that never failed to resemble the closing of some ancient tomb. Glancing down at his still-smiling companion, the redhead took note of the carefully-veiled question in his expression.

"Something on your mind, Moyashi-chan?" He grinned at the shorter boy's mild frown at the nickname, crossing the entryway with exaggerated patience. "The old man says I have an answer for everything, so ask away."

Motioning to an unoccupied bench near the rear door, Allen waited for the older boy to sit, joining him after setting aside the other's luggage. "Was there a problem with the mission? The Finder? You don't look like you're hurt, but you came up alone.. _He_ didn't get hurt, did he? I hate that, because sometimes you can't take care of them and they get in the way.."

The British Exorcist winced at his own rambling, waving a hand. "I don't mean to pry, I just wondered if everything was all right.. You've never rushed back this early, so I thought maybe something bad had happened."

Leaning against the bench's low back, Lavi shook his head. "Its all right. I've been asking myself a lot of question lately."

Seeing the boy's confused look, he sighed. "Have you ever been in love, Allen? I mean, really, _really_ in love?"

The younger Exorcist blinked at the question, his eyes wide as he shook his head silently.

Lavi smiled faintly, expecting the answer. "I was. Before I came here." He straightened, tipping his head back to rest against the wall. "And.. I think I still am. I don't know what's gonna happen now, but I'm here to tell the old man to let me go." Hearing the other's quick breath, he glanced at him from the corner of his eye. "Go ahead and ask.. But you won't like the answer."

The boy hummed curiously, his head tilted in a way that made him resemble something small and furry. "Is it... Someone I know? Someone here..? Are they leaving too?"

Laughing quietly, Lavi shook his head. "It's someone we all know, but not from here. If I tell you, it'll probably be the last thing I get to say to you as a friend." Steeling himself, he took a breath to continue. "It's-"

"One of our enemies. The _Order's_ enemies. Which one is it, then?"

Stunned at the lack of hostility in the boy's tone, Lavi sat up with a surprised noise, his eye wide. "How-"

Allen smiled knowingly, shaking his head. "Because any other time you'd be happy. If it were someone else, you'd have told everyone." He watched the older boy fidget, sighing. "If I had more time, I could probably even figure out who. You like the older type, right? And it wouldn't be someone plain or regular, you wouldn't give up your life here for anything but a completely outstanding person." Laughing suddenly, he leaned close. "Answer me one question before I guess. It's a man, isn't it?"

Still astonished at the boy's apparent approval, he nodded dumbly, his mouth suddenly dry as the white-haired Exorcist snorted.

"Then it's simple. The one you're leaving for is Tyki Mikk. I don't blame you for keeping it a secret, but how did you manage it, Lavi? It's been close to three years since you came here.."

Shaking his head rapidly, the redhead lowered his voice. "I didn't! I didn't even remember until I saw him while I was out-" Taking a breath, he forced himself to relax. "Bookman took my memories, Allen. A whole year of them, and I didn't even know.. I'm here to make him give them back. I couldn't believe it when Tyki started telling me about what we.." He paused, gesturing helplessly. "You think I'm stupid, don't you? To take his word for it and give everything away."

For a long minute, the smaller boy was silent, his expression unreadable. At last, he smiled. "You're a lot of things, Lavi, but stupid isn't one of them. If you really believe him, then you're doing the right thing." Frowning suddenly, he caught the redhead's arm tightly. "No one else knows, right? Do you know where he'll be, after you leave? I've got a pretty strong hunch that the higher ups aren't going to take this very well.. Bookman's not due back til this evening, do you have your things ready?"

Surprised, Lavi shook his head. "No, I didn't think there would be time to take anything with me.. I figured the same thing, and it's hard to run with a room full of stuff." Allen scowled faintly, tugging his arm as he rose from his seat.

"I'll help you get the important things ready. You shouldn't have to leave _everything_ behind, Lavi." Pulling the taller boy along behind him, he led the way to the stairs, glancing around quickly before continuing. "I can't go with you, but I'll do everything I can to help you get out safely.. Komui-san can probably make sure you won't be followed right away, too." Halting at the top of the stairs, he sighed. "Don't let them take your Innocence, either. Keep it in case you have to fight-"

Lavi shook his head in alarm, pulling his arm free. "If I take it, they'll never leave us alone, you know that! It hurts Tyki to be near it, too." Stilling the other's protest with a look, he pressed on. "Part of the reason I'm happy to go is there won't _be_ anymore fighting, Allen."

The younger boy scowled, his jaw set stubbornly. "Komui-san told me that Innocence won't conform to another user if it's original accommodator is still alive, Lavi. If you aren't a Bookman, they'll treat you just like the other Exorcists.. As long as there's an Innocence that reacts to you, they'll be trying to force you back." He winced at the redhead's startled curse. "They might use you to get to him, too.. What will you do, if they send someone after you and you can't fight? He could lose control and kill them, do you want that?"

The older boy paled, swallowing heavily. "What if its you, Allen? Or Yuu.. They'd send someone strong enough to fight a Noah once they knew, and there aren't many that could do that." Clenching his hands, he growled in annoyance. "I'm going to put him in danger, aren't I? Because I'm that fucking _selfish.._ "

"So is he."

The younger boy's words brought him to a halt, his eye wide. "What? No, he didn't-"

Allen waved a hand briskly, his face serious. "You said you didn't know. He came after you, didn't he? He could have left it alone, but he wanted to have you back." Smiling faintly, he shook his head. "It's supposed to be like that, I think.. That's probably why I haven't been in love, I'm just not selfish enough." For a moment, he almost looked wistful, but the expression passed as he continued. "Make it worth it, Lavi. If you're going to do this, do it with everything you've got."

The redhead nodded firmly, pushing down his lingering unease. "Oh, I'm going to. He waited this long, so I kinda owe it to him to make a good attempt, don't I?" He forced a smile, ignoring his remaining doubts. "For me, too. It wouldn't be right to treat it like a fling, not when I'm giving up the life I made here.. I think I'll miss having friends, though."

The smaller boy stiffened abruptly, his gaze so angry that Lavi thought he might actually strike him. "Miss it? Why would you miss it if you aren't losing it? I'll still be your friend, Lavi! If anyone stops caring about you because of this, they weren't your friend in the first place!" He raised his head to stare the taller Exorcist full in the face, his eyes narrowed in anger. "I don't think it matters who you love, Lavi. There isn't one person here that wants to spend the rest of their life alone, fighting and killing every day! If you want something better for yourself, you've the same right as anyone else to have it. Isn't that right, _Kanda_?"

He glared at a spot just beyond the redhead's shoulder, his eyebrows drawn challengingly even as the older boy whipped around with a startled curse.

"Yuu-chan? Um, hey, how's it going?" He winced at the too-eager pitch of his voice, preparing to move at the slightest deepening of the other boy's frown. "Wow, this is a little awkward.."

The samurai shook his head in disgust, ignoring the redhead's faltering grin. "Moyashi, are you trying to make the rabbit even stupider? We don't need you to start teaching _sensitivity_ classes." Glaring from one to the other, he snorted. "So, you're deserting. Any reason I shouldn't kick your sorry ass and drag you down to our idiot supervisor's office?"

Huffing belligerently, the white haired boy took a step forward. "Because it'll be two on one if you try. If you eavesdropped for the whole conversation, you should _know_ he's got a good reason to leave." Ignoring the other's dismissive gesture, he moved closer. "If he's your friend, you should want him to be happy. Don't give me that look, either. If he isn't, he's the closest thing you have to one."

The older Exorcist glared at him in annoyance, ignoring the redhaired source of their argument. "There's no good reason to shirk your duty, Moyashi. _He's_ not like the other people here, but that's no excuse to sneak away when there's work to be done." Turning to look at the boy in question, he chuckled darkly. "Do you think you're my friend, _Lavi?_ I've never heard of a friend who would abandon their job for a quick roll in the hay-"

Before he could continue, the redhead strode forward with a thunderous scowl, his hands clenched at his sides in readiness for battle. "Don't go there, Yuu. I've spent my whole life working for everyone else, and it got me nowhere! The one person I trusted _more_ than any of you stole a part of my life, and took away a piece of someone else's with it! For what? _History?_ We aren't supposed to interfere with anything, but what else could you call that? If he did it once, who knows how many other things went wrong without me knowing?" He faced the samurai defiantly, holding his place despite the warningly narrowed eyes.

"I never chose this. If Linali wanted to leave, would you be so hateful of _her?_ She was forced, too." Gesturing at the other's sheathed weapon, he shook his head. "You can put Mugen away, anytime you want to. What about the ones who can't? Look at Allen, and Linali now! They won't _ever_ be able to do that, they can't do anything but carry the burden until they die." Sighing loudly, he tugged his own Innocence free of it's holster, brandishing the small form before the still frowning Asian.

"How stupid would I look, letting this rule my life, Yuu? It doesn't think, or feel.. It doesn't care _who_ it hits. I used to be like that, too. Not anymore." Replacing the hammer carefully, he laughed. "It's the damnedest thing, too. Part of the reason I don't feel guilty for wanting a life of my own is you. You're trapped here just like everyone else, but no one tells you how to live, do they? I respected you for that, being your own person even if you were dictated to twenty-four seven."

Shrugging, he stepped back toward the younger Exorcist, motioning to the hall. "Let's just go, Allen. Something else I admired about Yuu was how hard he held onto what he thought was right.. He'll get over it or he won't, I can't make him do anything and neither can you." Firming his resolve, he turned his back on the other boy, walking away without waiting to see if the British Exorcist had followed.

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After carefully deciding what to take and what could be left, Lavi slumped tiredly onto his bed. Likewise, the white haired Exorcist joined him, his expression faintly amused.

"You have a lot of... stuff, Lavi. I'm afraid to even ask what some of it is." Gesturing at the two small travel cases nearby, he smiled. "At least you have clothes _and_ some other things to take with you, though. I won't ask where you're going from here, but try to find a way to keep in touch, ok? Everyone's going to miss having you around to cheer us up."

Lavi grinned, nodding. "I will. It might be a while, but I'll see what I can work out." Standing, he stretched until his back popped audibly, grimacing. "Ugh.. I really hate trains. Besides that, thanks. You'll explain to the people who matter, won't you? I don't want to start any trouble until I'm long gone-"

He froze at the quiet click of the door latch, his eye widening at the unexpected appearance of his soon to be former master. Following his line of sight, Allen also rose, his stance slightly wary as he moved just far enough to one side to be of help, should things not go as well as he hoped they would.

The old man glanced at him dismissively, regarding the redhead with a stern look. "Where are you going, Lavi? There's no mission assigned to you, yet you seem to be prepared for a journey of some distance." Taking in the anxious posture and expression of his pupil, he frowned. "Explain yourself, at once."

Shaking off his nerves, the Exorcist straightened. "I'm not the one who needs to explain. Why did you tamper with me?" Swallowing heavily, he fought to keep his voice too low to carry through the echoing stone, despite his growing anger at the older man's serene face. "You took something very important from me, and I want it back before I go. Give me back the year that you stole from me, Bookman."

The Chinese Exorcist's eyes hardened noticeably, his mouth thinning into a frown. "Stole, you say? I've taken nothing that you needed, _Apprentice._ " Waving a hand at the watching Allen, he snorted. "The things you would discuss have no place in the workings of the Order. Have you forgotten that we never share the secrets we've learned, Lavi?"

Stiffening, Lavi snorted angrily. "We aren't supposed to meddle in people's lives, either! You don't mind a little when it suits you, though, do you? It wasn't just me, you took something from Tyki, too! All this damn time, he's been waiting for me and I never knew! It doesn't matter now, because he found me." Nodding shortly, he pointed at the waiting suitcases. "He told me what happened, and its too convenient to be a lie! He knows things that no one else could have told him, and I _remember_ parts of it now! You can't force me to stay here anymore, I won't work with a person that I can't trust with my own mind. For once in your life, have a fucking heart. Give me back my memories."

The older man drew himself up as if the boy had struck him, his face stern. "You speak of it as if you were forced, Lavi. Nothing was taken that you wished to keep." He folded his arms, his hands concealed within the voluminous sleeves of his coat. "When you asked to have your mind closed to him, I warned you that such a thing is an imperfect solution."

Growling angrily, the redhead clenched his hands into fists. "That's a lie! I would never have asked for that, we were-"

Bookman shook his head implacably, for the first time expressing some hint of regret. "You were young, and foolish. You doubted your ability to keep yourself above partiality on that man's behalf. I also believed it to be unlikely." Walking toward the spluttering redhead, he met the boy's narrowed eye calmly. "You became immersed in your assignment, Lavi. You asked for release, and I granted it despite my reservations. Would you have it undone, then? I told you that the consequences would be most... Unpleasant." Scowling at the boy's obvious confusion, he shook his head. "Idiot boy.. To restore one such memory is to restore all things closed by the same technique. You would remember _everything_ you've forgotten."

Nodding at the redhead's pale face, he sighed. "This is why I told you to be certain, Lavi. Do you still wish to know?"

Swallowing roughly, the Exorcist nodded, his jaw set in determination. "I have to. Please, Gra- Bookman, he's waiting for me." Glancing at the confused Allen, he smiled faintly. "I don't care if he stays, just.. Get it over with."

The elder straightened, inclining his head. "As you wish. Come closer, Lavi.. This is a thing meant to be kept secret." Waiting for the other to bend his head, he began to speak, the words too soft to carry beyond the raptly listening redhead. The language was unmistakably that of the Bookman clan, but a dialect far older and more formal than the two conversed in amongst themselves.

At first there was only a momentary dizziness, and the younger boy shook his head to clear the building sense of unease that settled over him. Closing his eye, he swayed unsteadily as the dizziness became outright disorientation, the quiet sounds of the building around him fading into the background as the older Bookman's voice commanded his full attention despite the surge of almost-nausea brought on by his low words.

As the Chinese man continued to speak, Lavi became aware of an outward _press_ against the boundary of his recollections, a feeling not unlike a dam waiting to burst under an unexpected torrent. When the older Exorcist halted his recitation, Lavi took a choked breath, stunned by the lancet of pain that blossomed behind his temples.

The sensation of wrongness grew steadily more profound, and with a muffled curse he sank to one knee, his eye widening as long-buried images took shape in luridly brilliant detail. Screaming, he clutched his head as the scenes filled his mind, the remembered stench of blood and scorched metal leaving him breathless even as the memory deepened into a nightmare of flames, rent bodies and a child's terror.

Starting forward quickly, Allen stilled at the older man's curt wave. "Do not interfere. He must bear it, or go mad." Shaking his head, he turned to the door, crossing the room with deliberate steps. "I will inform the Supervisor that Lavi is no longer in my charge. You would do well to see him off as quickly and quietly as possible, when he comes to.. Good Evening, Mr. Walker." Without a second look at his crouched apprentice, he left, closing the door firmly behind him.

At a loss, Allen stared from the door to the fallen Exorcist, his eyes wide as the boy's cries became ragged, his hands still buried in his hair as he drew himself into a ball. Mentally raging at the apparent desertion of the older man, he knelt beside his now-sobbing friend, carefully wrapping him in a tight hug. Urging him to relax, he murmured comfortingly, wondering what the older boy had remembered that would reduce him to such a state.

Feeling him stiffen, he drew back just in time to avoid an unfortunate collision with the redhead's flushed face, his arms dropping to his sides as he sat back awkwardly. "Oh, are you all right now..? I didn't mean to.." Breaking off, he frowned at the other's dazed expression, waving a hand in front of his face. "Lavi? What is it?"

The older boy shook his head slowly, swiping at his dampened cheeks. "I did it." He muttered woodenly, leaning away from the other Exorcist. "They- My family died because of me."

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Hooray. Final chapters to follow soon. As always, do not fave/alert list me without commenting first, or I'll send you a rather nasty PM. Happy birthday, Booky!!


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